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Just say “Cheese!”

 

       John! John! Come quick! Look at your son! He is so adorable!

        In a minute darlin’, I’m cleaning my shotgun.

        Well make it quick Pops, so I can get out of this monkey suit. I got some trouble I need to be getting’ into.

        These baggy britches are crampin’ my style. I look like Baby Gangbanger here! And to think I could have been running butt-naked through the sprinkler right now but no–gotta take a picture, gotta take a picture, gotta take a picture for prosperities sake. Like I’m going anywhere soon in this getup and will Someone. Please. Tell Shari Lewis here to get the sock puppet out of my face. It aint a smile I’ll be crackin’ if someone doesn’t get the sock puppet—Out. Of. The face! Got that amigo–se habla inglés?

        Didn’t think so. Great. I’m gonna be here all day.

        John! John! Come look at your son! He is so cute! Here baby, let Mommy part your hair.

        I said—in a minute—darlin’, I’m cleaning my 9mm.

        Oh gawd not the comb again. Keep it up I won’t have any hair left to part. And what’s with more of the greasy-kid stuff that I don’t smell like ¾ of a barbershop quartet already? Give it up woman. I mean think about it—in ten years you’re gonna to be askin’ yourself “why did I ever try to part that kid’s hair?” Okay what’s this? We’ve gone from sock puppet to squeaky toy? Testin’ me are you? I got your squeaky toy right here muchacho.

        Take a look at this—!

        John! John! Come quick! I think your son is about to say his first word!

        I said—in a goddamn—minute, I’m cleaning my AK-47!

        You said what? What! What! What! What the &$*#@ is it with you will you get the &$*#@ over here and look at our &$*#@ kid it’s not like he’s getting any &$*#@ younger and to think I missed a &$*#@ hair appointment for this &$*#@ what what what the &$*#@ is it with you and those &$*#@ guns you’ve been watching too much &$*#@ television you think someone’s going take your &$*#@ guns and even if they did what what what the &$*#@ are you going to do about it you think you’re &$*#@ Rambo or something? I mean what! What! What the &$*#@ is it with you!

        Hey Pops, what does this do—?

        BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA- BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA—klik.

        Cheese!